man explaining to woman in a therapy session

Why and how to set your boundaries?

Written by Sophie Parienti

Knowing how to set boundaries is a subject that is widely discussed nowadays. I regularly have to explore it in my coaching sessions since most couples experiencing difficulties in their relationship tend to fail to understand how to set their limits, often leading them to frustrations and conflicts.

While it may be easy to set boundaries with friends, the same cannot be said for our romantic relationships. With our partner, we tend to allow ourselves to overstep each other’s acceptable limits.

By letting our emotions run wild, we end up saying unpleasant and sometimes even aggressive things to each other, to the point of causing real damage to our love relationship – which is never healthy and constructive!

To enable you to evolve in a serene relational space in which you feel safe and heard, you must first identify your boundaries, and for each other’s well-being and for your relationship to thrive, you must be able to clearly express what is acceptable, tolerable, and non-negotiable.

Here are some tips to help you set your boundaries:

To know your limits, ask yourself what your values are.

To become clear about your emotions and needs and express them constructively, use Non-Violent Communication (NVC) as a means of communication. To help you achieve this, you can click here and access my Transformative Communication course.

Dare to use “yes” and “no”! These are excellent compasses that allow you to express your limits. Even if their use can sometimes seem challenging, integrating these two words into your vocabulary can save you a lot of dissatisfaction, frustration, and even conflict.

Stay alert and remember that your boundaries may lose their meaning over time: What was valid yesterday may no longer be right for you today or may not be okay tomorrow. So, always question their legitimacy to make sure that making them known and respected does not lock you in or limit you!

Don’t wait any longer! Define your boundaries now and express them in kindness. Suggest your partner do the same and listen to them with compassion and gratitude. It will strengthen your intimacy and allow you to feel secure in your relationship and meet each other’s needs!