When I say just listening, I am not talking about listening in the way of keeping silent, leaving the other person in his difficulties without saying anything, or even being content to agree.

I am talking about a form of listening that allows us to meet the other where they are and to welcome their truth, whatever it may be, to understand it better. 

Are you beginning to understand the superpowers of listening?

Imagine yourself in front of someone sincerely attentive to what you are saying. How does that make you feel? What does it mean and entail for you and your relationship?

By answering these questions, you understand that listening creates an environment of trust that is conducive to exchange. It invites the other person to express themselves without fear, pacifies the relationship, and even, in the case of a developing conflict, helps to defuse it.

Sincere and active listening develops intimacy, strengthens bonds, and even allows us to move forward peacefully on a path of consciousness.

“When I have been listened to, and when I have been heard, I am able to re-perceive my world in a new way and to go on. It is astonishing how elements that seem insoluble become soluble when someone listens, how confusions that seem irremediable turn into relatively clear flowing streams when one is heard. I deeply appreciate the times I experienced this sensitive, empathic, concentrated listening.”

_Carl Rogers, a humanistic psychologist, founded the concept of active listening.

But then, how do you do that when you tend to communicate by reacting to what you hear? How can you be an excellent listener to establish a caring and constructive relationship with the other person?

Here are five tips I can offer you on how to be an active listener.

1. During a conversation, be physically present with your attitude and your eyes, as they, too, are listening. And if your attention wavers, don’t hesitate to ask the other person to repeat what they said. Additionally, keep your phone away from you because it is the worst enemy of listening!

2. If you feel an emotion arise and are tempted to react to the other person’s words, take a deep breath and ask yourself this question: Do I need to be right or even defend myself, or do I want to connect and build a constructive relationship?

3. When the other person stops talking, don’t rush in with words and allow silence for a few seconds. It will enable you to enter your heart rather than your thinking head and access your caring and empathy.

4. When you speak, avoid giving all your good advice. Ask questions and be genuinely curious about the other person.

5. In a conversation, help them clarify what they are saying to be clear you understand their intention. Don’t hesitate to rephrase what they say to ensure you have heard them correctly.

Listening is a state of being rather than a technique to be applied. But to achieve this ability of yours, it is necessary to confront it and train yourself.

Keep in mind these three words: Empathy, benevolence, and authenticity. They are part of the tools you have within you and are essential to the practice of present, sincere and active listening.

Your relationships will improve and rise with your willingness to listen and perseverance.

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