As a relationship coach, I have found that being a great communicator can have a downside. It can lead people to overlook the real reasons for their relationship difficulties. Indeed, by focusing primarily on how they communicate, they sometimes ignore that other efforts need to be made in other areas. When they come to see me, they express their incomprehension about facing difficulties when they communicate so well.

With the recent awareness around Nonviolent Communication (NVC) as a communication technique that emphasizes expressing needs and feelings in a respectful and non-judgmental manner to improve communication between people, the focus on improving our communication skills has sometimes shaded the fact that there are other areas of a relationship that needs to be brought to a couple’s attention to evaluate if they are feeling fulfilled and content in their relationship.

While NVC is a valuable tool to enhance communication, good communication alone does not necessarily lead to a healthy, long-term relationship. Knowing the qualities necessary for a relationship to flourish allows both partners to identify their underlying problems and support their relationship meaningfully. It prevents them from hiding behind such good communication that they can’t why understand they face difficulties. Thus, they can move forward by focusing their energy and attention on what they need to address.

Below find 13 main criteria that define a healthy relationship: trust, respect, positive conflict resolution, empathy, attraction, equality, shared values, safety, connection, playfulness, common goals, growth, and intimacy. 

Trust: Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship and is built over time through honesty, reliability, and consistency in actions and words.

Respect: Respect is valuing and acknowledging each other’s feelings, thoughts, and boundaries, treating each other with kindness, consideration, and empathy, and allowing space for personal growth.

Positive Conflict Resolution: The ability to find constructive solutions to a disagreement. It involves active listening, empathy, clear communication, and the search for compromise. Its goal is to create more harmonious and sustainable relationships between the parties involved. It allows partners to solve the problems they face positively.

Empathy: Empathy is the act of understanding and sharing each other’s feelings and perspectives, creating a deep sense of connection and compassion in the relationship, and promoting a supportive and caring atmosphere.  

Attraction: A deep and mutual attraction can be a physical, emotional, or intellectual interest that creates a spark of chemistry and connection.

Equality: A balance of power and respect in which both partners have an equal say, share responsibilities reasonably, and support each other’s growth and development.

Shared values: Similar goals, interests, and beliefs that partners share and that work together toward common objectives.

Safety: Feeling secure, trusted, and supported within the relationship through compassion and understanding. It creates a space where both feel confident to be themselves.

Connection: A strong sense of connection is the foundation of a healthy relationship. It creates the feeling of being understood, accepted, and recognized by the other person.

Playfulness: It means enjoying each other’s company and having a good time together without planning complex activities. It recharges the batteries and brings freshness and renewed energy to the relationship.

Common goals: It is about sharing a common vision, purpose, and direction, creating a sense of unity and commitment in the relationship.

Growth: It is about self-development, including a willingness to support each other’s dreams and goals, take risks to pursue new experiences, and keep our “beginner’s mind alive.”

Intimacy: Intimacy is a keystone of a healthy and fulfilling relationship. It involves emotional vulnerability, trust, deep connection, and sharing fears, hopes, and dreams without fear of being judged or pushed away.

Conclusion

While clear communication is a crucial and powerful tool for improving communication in relationships, it is essential to recognize that it cannot fix deeper issues in a relationship, such as a lack of connection, safety, or attraction. To ensure a healthy and sustainable relationship, you must look beyond good communication and consider what makes a good match.

If a relationship consistently fails to meet one or more of these criteria, it may be a sign that there could be a better match for individuals and that the relationship may require more energy to maintain than it is worth.

However, keep in mind that by speaking your truth and opening up to your partner about the criteria that are not present in your relationship, or need drastic improvement, potentially from both sides, you can seize the opportunity to potentially create a deeper level of understanding and connection with your partner. By addressing areas of improvement together, you can work towards a more robust and healthier relationship. It may be difficult, but speaking your truth can lead to a more fulfilling and rewarding partnership.

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