Personality differences, mutual expectations, generational differences and gaps, communication issues, etc., often contribute to the complexity of the parent-child relationship.

However, by working together and communicating openly and respectfully, parents and children can create a healthy and positive relationship, strengthen their bond and support each other on the path to personal growth and development.

Here are my tips for dealing with the difficulties we may encounter in our relationship with our parents and positively transforming them to develop a positive and healthy relationship.

1. Recognizing the complexity of parent-child relationships to manage relationship difficulties better.

Our relationship with our parents is inevitably rich in emotions, complex dynamics, and unique personal stories. Acknowledging their complexity is the first step to addressing problems with our parents. Realizing that the challenges and conflicts that can arise in the relationship are, I would be tempted to say, usual. And that it is even thanks to them that we can grow. Integrating this allows us to approach relationship problems more calmly. 

2. Understand that we construct ourselves as parents from our parenting model.

Our parents developed a type of parenting based on their own experiences with their parents. They have learned to become fathers and mothers by observing, imitating (or rejecting) their parents’ behavior and education. In other words, they act according to their beliefs, limitations, wounds, and tools that they have received and developed over time and as their consciousness evolves. Understanding this and being compassionate is essential to healing the relationship and allowing it to grow.

3. Set relationship goals with your parents to strengthen the bond over time.

Setting relationship goals can strengthen your bond and improve the quality of the relationship. By defining clear expectations and working together to achieve them, you can ensure that you will communicate more effectively, appreciate each other and support each other. Relationship goals include family activities, shared quality time, personal development projects, etc.

By having common goals, you can focus on the future and the positive aspects of your relationship rather than on past conflicts or frustrations. Also, setting relationship goals can strengthen family ties and improve your well-being.

4. Take care of yourself to better cope with a problematic relationship with your parents.

Self-care is essential when dealing with a complex relationship with your parents. Because family relationships can be emotionally draining, taking care of your mental and physical health first is crucial. Exercise, do a creative activity, go out with friends, ask for help and support, meditate, etc. Taking care of yourself builds self-esteem and cultivates a sense of well-being that allows you to cope better with difficulties.

5. Forgiveness to free oneself and to develop a positive relationship.

Forgiveness can be challenging, especially when we have had a difficult relationship with our parents for a long time. However, it is highly beneficial to our emotional and mental well-being. Why? Because forgiveness allows us to release damaging resentments and frustrations built up over time, which can reduce our stress, anxiety, and our overall unhappiness. 

In addition, it enables us to rebuild a more profound and healthier relationship with our parents, which can improve our entire family life. Forgiveness can help us find inner peace and move forward with a lighter heart.

6. Know your limits and set them to protect yourself and the relationship.

Knowing and setting boundaries to protect yourself and your relationship with your parents is essential. Boundaries are lines of demarcation that define what we will and will not do or tolerate in our interactions with others. Setting them can help protect us from abuse or violating our personal space and rebuild our self-esteem.

7. Be authentic to value the connection with your parents.

Authenticity is essential in your relationships with your parents because it allows you to rebuild healthy and honest relationships based on trust and mutual respect. When we are authentic, we show our parents who we are and enable them to get to know us in depth.  

In addition, being authentic allows us not to play a role or hide who we are, which always ends up causing frustration and problems. Ultimately, being authentic with our parents can change the relationship dynamic and help us navigate life’s challenges together in a new way.

8. Take care of your communication skills to transform your relationship with your parents.

Communication is the key to all healthy relationships, including those with our parents. We can learn to understand each other’s needs, wishes, and concerns through clear and authentic communication. It helps avoid misunderstandings and builds trust and mutual understanding to resolve conflicts positively. 

I tell all my clients that there is a powerful tool that every parent should be taught, and that is Nonviolent Communication (NVC). This methodology, developed by American psychologist Marshall Rosenberg, will help you integrate a way of communicating with your parents (that does not require them to do anything different) and build a more meaningful relationship.

Conclusion.

Managing and coping with a complex parent-child relationship takes effort, patience, and self-awareness. It mainly consists of two steps:

• The first step is to recognize the complexity of the relationship and acknowledge that both parents and children have their own needs, shortcomings, and limitations that need to be accommodated for everyone’s comfort.

• The next step is to focus on managing the difficulties in concrete ways: setting goals, taking care of yourself, forgiving, setting boundaries, being authentic, and communicating effectively.

By following these steps, you can move your relationship with your parents positively and healthily. Remember to be compassionate with yourself and seek professional help if necessary.

Your relationship with your parents is precious and worth the effort to preserve its quality. By dealing with the challenges it presents, you can take fantastic steps on your path of awareness.

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