The fundamental attribution error or cognitive bias is the tendency to attribute internal causes to the other person’s bad behavior (when they can be external) and external causes to our bad behavior (when they can be internal).

In other words, we are very rapid at judging another person when they make a mistake, and we do it almost systematically.

For example, we will think they act like this or say that because they are unintelligent, rude, unfriendly, snobbish, etc. In short, we will consider any questionable behavior to be their fault.

Conversely, when we make a mistake, we automatically find external reasons to explain and justify why we did this or that: “It’s not my fault, it’s because of them,” or “because of this or that,” etc. So, naturally, we tend to position ourselves as victims and absolve ourselves of responsibility.

Such a fundamental error of attribution usually leads to relational difficulties and conflicts. To avoid falling into this trap and to get along well, it is essential to create a balance that promotes clarity toward oneself and understanding toward others. An effective way to do this is to be compassionate with ourselves and others.

We must consider that our behaviors, whatever their trigger (internal or external), are conditioned above all by our past wounds, difficulties, beliefs that limit us, fears that lock us in, etc. We act according to these multiple, often unconscious, factors. As a result, we always do our best, no matter what we do or say, even if this best seems illusory and insignificant to the other person.

So take responsibility when necessary, and show compassion, no matter your relationship experience. Only then can you live in harmony with yourself and others!

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