We all have different and complex needs that are often difficult for others to understand, especially since we sometimes have a blurred perception of them ourselves. We cannot, therefore, assume that the other person understands everything about us to the point of being able to anticipate our needs.

At the beginning of a relationship, we strive to seduce and please our partner. During this period, called the “honeymoon phase,” we are curious about the other person and happy to get to know them.

We ask each other questions that strengthen our intimacy. But with time, this excitement and curiosity for the other person disappear in favour of the feeling of knowing each other perfectly. And we forget to consider that as we evolve, so do our needs. The result is misunderstandings, disappointments, and other issues that can lead to a breakdown in the relationship.

A big part of taking responsibility for our happiness is not to assume that our loved ones can read our thoughts and emotions, simply because they love us. It’s essential to take ownership of our own experiences by remaining curious about our partner’s growth and relationship changes to prevent discontent and frustration.

Here are some tips to help you change your perspective on the belief that your partner should know everything about you:

Remove your limiting beliefs.

The false assumption that your partner should know your needs without you expressing it or them asking can damage your relationship and put more stress on it than necessary.

Reframing that limiting thought into a resource belief will limit the risk of exposing yourself to frustration and disappointment. This way, you can shift your perspective by saying, “My partner does care about me; therefore, he is interested in me expressing my needs.” It shifts back the responsibility on you to communicate your needs clearly, and to be patient with your partner’s capacity to meet them in a way that would best suits you.

List your needs.

Understanding your needs helps you better manage relationship issues.
For example, your anger at a messy partner may indicate that you have a strong need for order or harmony. But this need may be hiding another one. For instance, while you spend time telling your partner to put their things away, you may need to feel valued and appreciated for everything you do in the house. Explore the various unmet needs, inventory them, and share them with your partner in a caring way, removing blame or shame by simply talking about your feeling and not what they do or don’t do.

Tell your partner how you feel.

Open communication is challenging yet essential to relationships. Avoid blaming or criticizing your partner when sharing your feelings and demands. Instead, be transparent and vulnerable.

Remember that your spouse wants to hear your perspective. Communicating without being defensive or accusing increases the likelihood of being listened to and reaching a mutually beneficial solution. Your companion will appreciate your openness and your clarity.

If you struggle to communicate effectively, consider utilizing Nonviolent Communication (NVC) techniques. This method empowers you to express your feelings and needs with compassion and empathy, increasing the likelihood that your message will be received. While it may feel restrictive to speak using a specific methodology with your partner, isn’t being truly understood more important than anything else?

Stay aware of their needs.

It’s normal to want your partner to consider your needs, but why not reciprocate? While you are focused on telling them about your needs and feelings, remember that you may simultaneously disregard some of their critical needs.

Daily asking your partner questions about how they feel helps rebuild your bond; this exercise brings you closer and renew your relationship when practice regularly.

Strong relationships take dedicated time and work. To maintain a relationship, both parties must communicate. You can strengthen your connection by meeting each other’s needs, but you must first reactivate your curious mind! When was the last time you asked your partner a genuine question?

Be grateful. 

Don’t wait to be grateful. Even with conflicts, relationships can evolve. Be glad for the challenges in the relationship, since they help you grow.

Appreciating even the most minor efforts of your partner can help you see the positives in any situation. This positivity can have a significant impact on improving your relationship and overall outlook.

Appreciation is one of the best ways to form a lasting love. Focusing on your partner’s and the relationship’s positive aspects can create a more loving and positive dynamic between you.

Conclusion

The advice I’ve shared applies to all kinds of relationships, whether platonic, professional, familial, or romantic.

Regardless of the type of relationship, it’s unrealistic to expect others to understand our complex minds without clear communication. Even if someone knows us well, they cannot anticipate our changing needs and the feelings they activate when those needs are unmet. Therefore, it’s our responsibility to communicate and keep others updated as our needs evolve.

I have one more piece of advice for you. Keep things simple; simplifying your communication reduces the possibility of confusion in expressing your needs. Speak in short sentences, addressing one need at the time.

Above all, remember, it’s not productive to blame others for our dissatisfaction. Instead, focus on identifying and expressing your needs regularly in a non-judgmental way, which will help strengthen the bond and intimacy in your relationships.

Through my own journey, I’ve discovered that the ability to communicate clearly and express my needs has been transformative in shifting from misunderstandings and conflicts to a place of feeling truly heard and understood. It’s deepened the connections I have with my loved ones and brought about a newfound sense of intimacy that is invaluable. In fact, my passion for this communication method has driven me to make it my vocation to share it with as many people as possible!

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