Getting Addicted to Joy: Reclaiming Our Birthright in Relationships

Written by Sophie Parienti

Joy is our purest nature. It is not something to be earned or justified—it simply exists, like the sun continuing to shine behind the clouds. Yet, many of us have been conditioned to suppress joy rather than embrace it.

Growing up in cultures where intellectualism is equated with wisdom and unprovoked happiness is often met with suspicion, we may have absorbed messages that joy is frivolous or even naive.

In France, expressions like “Don’t smile stupidly” or “What’s wrong with you?” when one smiles without reason reflect a profoundly ingrained scepticism toward unfiltered happiness.

The result? We learn to withhold joy, display it selectively, and often forget to cultivate it in the spaces that matter most—our relationships.

The Journey Back to Joy

Joy is not a luxury; it is a necessity. It acts as a lifeline in times of hardship and a bridge in moments of disconnection. Yet, many of us have experienced life events such as a breakup, a job loss, or a health scare that made us detach from our joy. Reaccessing this birthright is not a passive process but an intentional journey. Like any addiction, but in the healthiest sense, we must cultivate a craving for joy, a longing to experience it more thoroughly and more frequently.

The paradox is that when we focus on our joy, we don’t just enrich ourselves—we enrich our relationships. A joyful heart is more open, more generous, and more attuned to the beauty in others. When we feel good, we notice the goodness in our partner; we become more willing to create moments of connection rather than waiting for them to happen.

Why We Show Our Best Joy Outside the Home

Ironically, we often reserve our most joyful, playful selves for the world outside our home. With friends, colleagues, and even strangers, we put effort into being engaging and pleasant. But joy often takes a backseat at home—with the person we have chosen to share our life with. Why? because we take each other for granted. We unconsciously believe that our partner will always be there, so we no longer see the need to be our most radiant, joyful selves.

Imagine if we actively cultivated joy within our relationships instead of reserving it for the outside world? What if we greeted our partner with the same enthusiasm we show a long-lost friend? What if we infused our daily interactions with more lightness, laughter, and playfulness? The impact would be profound.

The Role of Gratitude in Reawakening Joy: The Power is in your hands

Gratitude is the gateway to joy. It is nearly impossible to feel truly grateful and not feel a spark of pleasure arise within. When we shift our focus from what is lacking to what is present, from what irritates us to what delights us, joy becomes more accessible.

A simple practice: Each day, take a moment to reflect on something your partner did that you appreciate. It can be as small as making your coffee or as deep as how they held space for you in a difficult moment. We naturally create more of it when we train ourselves to notice the good.

Bringing More Joy into Your Relationship

Prioritize playfulness—Laugh together, be silly, break routines, and surprise each other. Joy thrives in spontaneity.
Express appreciation often – Tell your partner what you love about them. Remind them (and yourself) why you chose them.
Create joyful rituals – These intentional practices bring joy into your relationship. For instance, you can have a ‘joy check-in’ where you ask each other, ‘What brought you joy today?’ or start mornings with a playful dance in the kitchen. My husband and I have had this ritual ingrained as a lifestyle for years, and it works like magic in shifting the most sluggish mood.
Heal the blocks to joy: If you find it hard to feel joy, ask yourself why. What beliefs, wounds, or fears might be keeping you from it?
Stop waiting for special occasions – Joy is not meant to be saved for vacations or milestones. Infuse your daily life with it now.

The Ripple Effect of Joy

When we reclaim our joy, we don’t just heal ourselves—we uplift those around us. Relationships flourish when joy is present. It strengthens bonds, eases tensions, and deepens intimacy. Joy is not a distraction from the depth of life—it is an essential part of it.

So, let us become addicts—not to substances, distractions, or fleeting pleasures—but to joy. Let us reclaim what was always ours and, in doing so, transform not just ourselves but the relationships that define our lives. This transformation is not just a possibility, but a promise, waiting to be fulfilled.