This moment can be about self-reflection and growth, where we recognize the need to prioritize our emotional well-being and stop relying on our partner as a crutch. It’s a brave step and a lot of courage to make such a decision, but it can lead to a more balanced and fulfilling life for both partners.

Why can depending on a partner be detrimental?

While it is usual to seek emotional support from your partner, relying on them too much can create an unhealthy dynamic in the relationship. When one partner becomes the only source of emotional support for the other, there is a lot of pressure to reassure, comfort, and validate them all the time. It can lead to burnout and resentment, ultimately damaging the relationship.

In addition, relying solely on your partner for emotional support can prevent them from developing healthy coping mechanisms and resiliency to deal with and overcome the obstacles they will encounter. In the long run, this can harm their mental health and overall well-being.

It is essential to balance seeking support from a partner and taking responsibility for your emotional well-being.

Taking responsibility for our emotional well-being.

When ready to make this change, we must approach our partner with love and connection rather than blame or resentment. We need to let them know that we want to take control of our lives and no longer want to take responsibility for our emotional well-being on them as we did before.

When ready to make this change, we must approach our partner with love and connection rather than blame or resentment. We must communicate to them that we are taking charge of our lives and no longer want to rely on them for emotional support like we used to.

However, it is also essential to acknowledge any role that we may have played in the dynamic. The example of one of my clients illustrates this.

As a child, his mother constantly criticized, blamed, shamed, and scolded him. As an adult, he found himself in a relationship where his wife’s words and behaviors reactivated the feeling of not being up to par: she has become his emotional dealer. In our sessions, I helped him observe and understand this and take responsibility for what he was experiencing in the relationship. He then learned to set clear boundaries to end his addiction. In turn, this allowed his wife to work on her emotional addictions, as her words and behaviors of frustration and anger were not unrelated to her emotional patterns.

By taking responsibility for our actions, we empower ourselves to defend our greatness and set a positive example for our partners. It can also encourage them to take responsibility for their behaviors and work on their emotional issues.

Work on our emotional dependency.

You understand that our emotional addictions originate in childhood, when we absorb and internalize how our parents and other influential people around us handle their emotions. As adults, having internalized their emotional patterns, we unconsciously seek out relationships that provide us with what has become our drug, our emotional addiction.

By understanding the origins of our emotional dependency and taking responsibility for our well-being, we can break free from the cycle of depending on our partners as emotional “dealers.” This process requires open communication, self-awareness, and a willingness to work on ourselves. It is not always easy, but it can lead to a healthier, more fulfilling relationship based on mutual respect and emotional empowerment.

Getting outside help.

It is important to note that this process is not always easy and may require the help of a mediator or therapist; if both people engage in the process, it can lead to a more supportive and fulfilling relationship based on mutual respect and emotional empowerment.

Ultimately, the key to breaking free of the “dealer” dynamic is to focus on our inner work. We can create a healthier and more sustainable relationship with our partners by taking responsibility for our emotional well-being.

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