Is time apart good for a relationship?
Written by Sophie Parienti
Bring this topic up at a dinner party, and you’ll receive differing opinions, ranging from “hell yes!” to “absolutely not!”.
Indeed, some people are more than happy to do things separately, while others find the concept strange and even go so far as to say that separate time is “harmful” to the relationship.
So where is the balance?
When spending time apart is about enriching the time spent together and when each acts it with authenticity, kindness, awareness, and love.
However, as I observed most often in my coaching sessions, it is rarely the case. Many individuals use the time apart to get back at their partner, make them react, or take irrationally care of their need for solitude or independence. Sometimes even as a last resort, to take a “break” before an eventual separation.
A couple doesn’t have to be in crisis to decide to take time apart; quite the contrary. This decision can significantly benefit the relationship if done with the intention to, through constructive distance and genuine curiosity, allow renewed desire to spend time together to resurface.
How do you use the time apart constructively to improve the relationship?
Sit down with your partner and list things that make you happy, feed your soul, enrich your life, unleash your creativity, etc., which you would like to do separately.
Decide how often you want to be apart: maybe once a week, a few times a month, etc. It depends on you and the other person, as each relationship and person has different needs.
Please don’t use this time to do anything that would threaten the security of your union or make your partner feel like you don’t care about them. Discuss what you will do ahead of time, and ensure it is agreeable to both; otherwise, you could invite insecurity and mistrust in the relationship, and the effect will be negative.
How do I experience time apart in my marriage?
Jesse, my husband, and I separate each week while he plays tennis and I work in my art studio. We use this time to nourish our souls and recharge with things that bring us joy. We are genuinely delighted when we come together, finding ways to share our respective experiences by discussing what these moments provided for us.
Relationships flourish when we allow ourselves time to grow as individuals, bringing that sense of connection to ourselves back into our relationship.
In addition, when facing challenging moments, this time apart helps you cool off and come back together with a fresh lens or viewpoint that can be tough to have when you’re together all the time or actively arguing through your troubles.
So, if you’re not already taking constructive time apart in your relationship, try inviting healthy moments of separation that will support you in being the best version of yourself for each other. Soon you’ll realize how much it strengthens your bond and intimacy.
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