A couple’s intimacy is much more than just physical closeness. It’s a deep connection based on trust, mutual understanding, and sharing the most personal aspects of life. It’s also a safe space where we can express ourselves authentically.

This closeness is achieved through intimate conversations, shared emotions and loving, affectionate gestures. 

Fundamentally, intimacy allows us to feel connected, supported, and valued and promotes physical, emotional, and psychological well-being. Deep connection is, therefore, essential to the balance and durability of a relationship.

But in this hectic world, where we are constantly stimulated and solicited, couples neglect their intimate bond. As the years pass, partners may wake up one morning and realize their connection has been lost. 

However, it’s important to remember that intimacy can be rekindled, and a deeper connection can be formed.

But let’s first look at what has created such a distance between two people who claim to love each other.

Obstacles to intimacy.

Lack of time for oneself and the couple, professional and family obligations and busy schedules sometimes make us forget the importance of prioritizing the relationship and nurturing the bond. 

Routine and monotony: The routine we tend to settle into over time annihilates all the spontaneity essential to passionate lovemaking. It makes us forget the importance of cultivating emotional and physical intimacy.

Stress and external pressures: The pressures of daily life, worries, the imperatives of success and other social, family and professional tensions invade the relational sphere and relegate intimacy to the background.

Lack and miscommunication: Ineffective communication can create misunderstandings and resentments, undermining the couple’s intimacy. All the above factors are undeniable “anti-communication.”

Emotional and physical challenges: Emotional concerns can have an impact on the sexual relationship, and conversely, sexual problems can lead to emotional tensions, plunging the couple into a vicious circle of failed intimacy. 

Unresolved emotional wounds: Unresolved conflicts and emotional wounds can create barriers to authentic connection between partners.

Of course, all these obstacles can be overcome with love, sincere intention, willingness and open-mindedness… and by adding Tantric principles to your daily interactions.

Understanding Tantra: More than just sex.

Tantra, the ancient practice that originated in India, is about connecting deeply not just with your partner, but with the world around you. It teaches presence, respect, and the art of truly seeing and being seen. Learning to slow down and truly connect can be revolutionary in a world that often values speed over depth.

Why Tantra?

Incorporating tantric principles into your relationship can significantly deepen your emotional and physical intimacy. It’s not just about improving your love life; it’s about creating a more profound spiritual bond with your partner. 

Here’s how to start integrating these beautiful practices into your everyday life.

1. Mindful presence

One of the foundational aspects of Tantra is mindfulness. It means being fully present with your partner without distractions. When you’re with them, focus entirely on the moment—listen deeply, touch intentionally, and make eye contact. These actions signal to your partner that they have your full attention, making them feel loved and valued.

2. Sacred sexuality

Tantric sex is perhaps what the practice is most famous for, but it’s not just about physical pleasure. It’s about recognizing the act of lovemaking as a sacred, spiritual experience that can bring you and your partner closer together. In tantric sexuality, the journey matters more than the destination. It’s about exploring and enjoying each moment and movement without focusing solely on the climax. Think of sexuality as a means of connection and mutual pleasure rather than personal satisfaction. From this perspective, all gestures of tenderness and eroticism should be seen as acts of love. This approach to sexuality profoundly develops intimacy and redefines the game of love.

3. Emotional transparency

Being open about your feelings is crucial in tantric practices. It doesn’t mean just discussing when you’re upset or happy—rather, it involves sharing your deepest fears, desires, and thoughts. Such vulnerability can lead to greater intimacy and understanding between you and your partner.

4. Practice conscious communication.

It means fostering a space for communication where everyone feels safe to be themselves. Mindful communication is characterized by honesty, authenticity, active listening, and caring.

5. Create a strong emotional bond.

Decide on a regular “emotional” rendezvous. Sitting comfortably opposite each other, you take the time to look into each other’s eyes in silence. Hold hands, breathe together, and let these moments embrace your emotions and each other’s essence. 

6. Ritual creation

Creating rituals can be a powerful way to enhance intimacy. It could be anything from having a specific way you greet each other when you come home, to more elaborate rituals like regular date nights or even spiritual practices like meditation together. These rituals build a unique culture for your relationship, strengthening your bond.

7. Continuous discovery

In Tantra, there’s an emphasis on constantly discovering new things about yourself and your partner. It could be through trying new activities together, exploring new aspects of your sexuality, or even embarking on spiritual journeys together. It keeps the relationship fresh and exciting.

8. Cultivating patience and gratitude

Patience and gratitude are key tantric virtues. Patience helps you accept and love your partner as they are, while gratitude reminds you of all the beautiful things about your relationship and your partner. Try to consciously practice these virtues daily by acknowledging and appreciating small acts of kindness or patience when things don’t go as planned.

9. Integrating body and spirit

Finally, Tantra involves recognizing the connection between body and spirit. This means loving your partner physically and connecting with them on a spiritual level. This holistic approach to love can lead to a deeper, more meaningful relationship.

By embracing these tantric principles, you’re not just improving your relationship; you’re also embarking on a path of personal and spiritual growth. Remember, the journey of Tantra is not a quick fix—it’s a lifelong adventure that requires commitment, openness and a lot of love.

So, are you ready to dive into the depths of tantric love and connection? The journey is sure to be as enriching as it is enlightening.

Remember that the path to lasting intimacy takes time, patience and mutual commitment, but the rewards are well worth it.

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Understanding emotional codependency.

Emotional codependency signifies a relationship dynamic where one’s emotional and physical welfare becomes intricately intertwined with another’s. In this intricate weave, one’s sense of self and esteem dwindles, eclipsed by an unrelenting reliance on the other for validation and fulfilment.

It goes beyond mere longing for a partner’s presence; it’s a profound entanglement where personal growth becomes a distant thought amongst the needs and emotions of the other.

Distinguishing codependency from emotional dependency.

Let’s be clear – emotional dependency and codependency may tread similar ground, but they diverge in essence. While the former denotes a reliance on a partner’s emotional support, the latter entails assuming the burden of another’s emotions and problems, tethered by a fear of abandonment and rejection.

In the realm of emotional dependency, self-preservation remains intact, albeit shadowed by the allure of a partner’s affection.

Spotting the signs of emotional codependency.

Recognizing emotional codependency can be subtle, like navigating a maze in the dark. Yet, if you suspect you have a codependent temperament but aren’t sure, you may observe some prominent characteristics in your behavior that point to it.

Fear of abandonment and/or rejection: you dread being cast adrift or forsaken. It is why you may cling to your partner or the people closest to you, sometimes to the point of maintaining unsatisfying, even toxic relationships.

Conflict avoidance: you have a penchant for sweeping issues under the rug to avert confrontation. You’ll even go so far as to pretend everything’s fine rather than risk rejection. 

Difficulty setting boundaries: You have difficulties setting limits, often at the expense of your needs. Out of concern to please, not to make waves and above all not to break the bond, you often sacrificing your desires for others.

Emotional repression: You suppress your emotions to maintain harmony and avoid rejection at the cost of authentic expression.

Tendency to control: you are subtly inclined to manipulate and regulate others to secure stability.

Attracts dysfunctional relationships: You seek out toxic relationships so you can play the role of saviour and protector and feel validated by the other person.

Unravelling the roots of emotional codependency.

The origins of emotional codependency often lie enshrined in our past experiences. Childhood dynamics steeped in dysfunction or trauma may sow the seeds of dependency, fostering an environment where individual needs are subjugated for the sake of familial harmony and peace.

Yet, it’s not just our childhood that shapes our present; traumatic adult experiences serve to amplify existing wounds, perpetuating the cycle of codependency.

It reminds me of one of my clients, Sarah, who grew up in a home where the focus was on the needs and fragility of a severely depressed mother. Feeling that she had no right to express her vulnerabilities, Sarah developed a tendency to repress her emotions, laying the foundations for emotional dependency.

Today, Sarah has entered adulthood. She is in a relationship where her partner controls and belittles her emotions. Her traumatic relationship experience awakens deep-rooted childhood wounds, intensifying her feelings of inadequacy and dependency behaviour.

Despite recognizing the toxicity of her relationship, Sarah finds it difficult to break out of the cycle of codependency, as her past experiences continue to cast a shadow over her present choices.

Navigating the spectrum of emotional codependency.

Affective codependency manifests itself in different areas of life and at various levels. Here are the main types.

Sexual codependency: Where the pursuit of intimacy eclipses all other needs.

Narcissistic codependency: A relentless quest for validation in the shadow of a narcissistic partner.

Family codependency: caught in a web of generational interdependence and dysfunction.

Amicable codependency: Sacrificing self for the sake of preserving relationships.

Romantic codependency: An intoxicating yet suffocating bond, often fraught with toxicity.

Engaging in the journey to liberation.

Escaping the clutches of emotional codependency is no mean feat, yet it is within our grasp. Here are my guiding stars:

Embrace self-awareness: putting light on codependency begins with acknowledging your behavioural patterns. Take a step back. Watch yourself act and listen to what you say. When do you avoid conflict and find it hard to set limits? Do you sometimes try to control others? Are you prone to toxic relationships? Becoming aware of your codependency is the first essential step to overcoming it.

Forge boundaries: Empowerment lies in the ability to say no when you identify behaviours that are not acceptable to you or when you feel overwhelmed. I always recommend that my clients use Nonviolent Communication (NVC) to ensure a safe space in which they feel safe expressing their expectations and needs.

Cultivate self-worth: Nurturing a resilient self-image grounded in your intrinsic worth rather than depending on others’ validation to create change is essential. This also means practising self-compassion, recognizing your strengths and successes, and surrounding yourself with people who support you positively.

Foster independence: Reclaiming autonomy means finding joy, satisfaction and fulfilment independently of external validation. To achieve this, you must devote time to activities and hobbies you enjoy and are passionate about.

Focus on self-care: Prioritizing our well-being paves the path to liberation. To do this, take steps that promote a healthy, balanced lifestyle, look after your appearance to appreciate yourself even more, and make sure you come first!

Persist with purpose and celebrate! Overcoming codependency is a process that can take time and requires personal investment, willpower, and perseverance. So, to keep yourself on track, don’t fail to celebrate every step toward healing you take. Big or small, they all bring you closer to transformation.

Conclusion

The way towards a more independent You.

Emotional codependency can trap anyone, but with awareness and strength, you can break free.

By unravelling the intricacies of emotional codependency, you pave the way for authentic connection, self-empowerment, and enduring fulfilment in your relationships.

May this journey empower you to recognize your value, build strength, and form genuine connections based on mutual respect and authenticity.

And remember, even in the complexity of emotional codependency, there’s hope for those brave enough to seek freedom. You can do it!

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Peeling back the layers.

Self-reflection allows us to recognize our patterns, strengths, and areas we need where we need growth. Allowing us to peel back the layers of our hearts and minds enables us to understand better who we are and how we love. It’s not just a solitary journey; Self-reflection is a real opportunity to apprehend our connections with those we love, offering us the chance to create a bridge to greater intimacy.

Picture this: your partner tells you they want to go on a spontaneous road trip, but you cringe at the thought of leaving your comfort zone. Through self-reflection, you might uncover that your aversion to spontaneity stems from a childhood fear of unpredictability. Acknowledging this allows you to communicate with your partner, fostering a deeper connection and perhaps even finding a compromise that satisfies your need for stability and their craving for adventure.

Listening to the unspoken.

In my own life, this journey of introspection has been transformative. It’s taught me to listen more deeply, not just to the words of my partner but to the unspoken language of their heart. Imagine your partner coming home, seemingly upset from a day at work, but they don’t want to discuss it. Your first reaction may be to respond with your insecurities or fears and to be upset in turn. Self-reflection will allow you to put things into perspective instead of letting your emotions overwhelm you so you can turn your attention back to your partner. You may then realize that his silence is his way of seeking comfort rather than solitude. A gentle hug, a cup of tea, or sitting together in comforting silence could change the situation completely.

Stepping into their shoes.

By enabling me to observe and understand my inner experiences, introspection made me aware of my vulnerabilities, my needs, and, consequently, the similarities between my reactions and those of others. So, by understanding myself better, I learned to understand others, their emotions, and their reactions. Self-reflection strengthens our ability to empathize with others, fostering caring relationships.

Have you ever disagreed with your partner about something seemingly trivial, like the proper way to load the dishwasher? Instead of a mundane argument, self-reflection can lead to an aha moment. You may realize it’s not about the dishes but your partner’s need for order and control to respond to chaos in other aspects of their life. Understanding this, you can work together to find a harmonious way of sharing household responsibilities.

The beauty of vulnerability.

But most importantly, self-reflection has taught me the value of vulnerability. By recognizing and connecting with it, I can share my journey with my partner, opening up about my fears, hopes, and dreams and deepening our connection and intimacy.

Think about when you’ve hesitated to share your insecurities with your partner, fearing judgment or rejection. Through self-reflection, you might realize that (acknowledging) vulnerability is the key to unlocking a deeper emotional connection. By sharing your authentic self, you invite your partner to do the same, creating a safe space where both of you can thrive.

Transforming your personal experience of life and love.

So, as you navigate the complexities of your relationships, take time for self-reflection. It might be the most loving thing you can do for yourself and those you hold dear.

Imagine a world where couples embark on this introspective journey together. A world where we all take a moment to ponder the experiences that shaped us, the fears that hold us back, and the dreams that light our path. It’s a world where conflicts are not battles but growth opportunities, where silence is not a barrier but an invitation, and where love is not just a feeling but a shared understanding.

As you peer into the mirror of your soul, remember that you can take this journey together. Your partner can and should also embark on a journey of self-discovery. Launching on this path hand in hand will create a relationship based on vulnerability, empathy, and mutual growth. You’ll allow each other to explore your hearts and discover the uncharted territories of your emotions and desires.

Conclusion.

Transforming your personal experience of relationships and life begins with a simple yet profound act: looking inward. It’s about acknowledging the stories etched in your heart, the fears that lurk in the shadows, and the dreams that dance in your thoughts, embracing your vulnerabilities, quirks, and uniqueness, and extending the same embrace to your partner.

In this shared adventure of self-reflection, you rewrite the narrative of your relationship. It’s a journey that never truly ends, for each day brings new revelations, new layers to explore, and new depths of connection to fathom. In essence, self-introspection paves the road to a deep commitment to your happiness and, therefore, to relationship fulfillment.

So, the next time you find yourself gazing at the sunrise or stealing a moment of solitude in the early morning calm, remember the transformative magic of self-reflection. Embrace it not as a solitary pursuit but as a shared adventure that enriches your connection with your partner and transforms the very essence of your love. It’s a journey of a lifetime—a journey to the heart of your relationship, where self-discovery intertwines with the beauty of loving and being loved.

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Three Key Criteria as Your Guide to Enhancing or Rescuing Your Relationship.

1. You are willing to improve and save your relationship.

Improving a relationship requires a fundamental and essential ingredient: intention. But it’s not enough to be able to say: “Of course I want things to be better between us!”

To be sure that the couple is on the right path to fulfillment, each must genuinely want to change and save the relationship.

The conscious, deep-seated desire to improve the relationship is, therefore, the driving force behind any positive change. Without it, the relationship risks stagnating and then deteriorating further.

This sincere intention to evolve and grow together paves the way for deeper, more meaningful bonds and, ultimately, contributes to the relationship’s long-term success.

Consider the fact that both must be on the right page to be able to rewrite the book of your relationship.

2. You understand contribution dynamics and are ready to take your responsibilities.

 Every relationship is a unique blend of what two individuals bring to it: their flaws, their strengths, their traumas, their beliefs, and so on. So, it’s essential to recognize that you and your partner contribute equally to the relationship dynamics.

Yet we tend to point out the other person’s faults and ignore our own, blaming them for our relationship experience. If we don’t recognize and understand the role we play in our relationship patterns, we risk becoming trapped in it.

Therefore, you must take full responsibility for your feelings, behaviors, words, etc., and their impact on your relationship so you can help it evolve positively.

3. You’re ready for counseling and the inner work to move forward on the path of your relationship transformation.

 The relationship can flourish if you and your partner engage in counseling or inner work. To make a relationship evolve positively or save it, you have to be willing to focus on your personal development rather than on the outcome of the relationship.

For example, consider the case of two of my clients. R. saw himself as a victim of A.’s anger. However, his response to her anger – hidden compliance and control – was also part of the problem. The breakthrough came when R. acted with truth and love towards himself.

Let’s take the example of another of my clients. M. felt unseen by his wife, L., due to her lack of interest in intimacy. He was about to consider separating. However, through counseling, he discovered that L. didn’t feel seen either, but for reasons different from his own, which was affecting his desire for intimacy. They had three children, and both felt it was worth giving their relationship another chance. By communicating openly and being attentive to the other’s point of view, they were able to reconnect with their intimacy. 

Once you’ve intentionally set out on the path of positive relationship development, you need to proceed with changes and improvements.

1. Willing to change.

Change is the lifeblood of growth in a relationship. It’s about evolving together and separately. When only one partner is committed to personal growth, it can create a dynamic where one is constantly changing while the other remains static.

It can lead to feelings of disconnect or resentment. You and your partner need to be open to learning and growing, not just for the relationship but for your fulfillment.

Additional Insight: Consider the metaphor of a garden where both gardeners need to tend to their plants. If only one does, some plants will thrive while others wither. A balanced effort leads to a flourishing garden, much like a balanced effort in personal growth leads to a flourishing relationship.

2. Improve communication.

Communicating isn’t just about talking; it’s also about truly understanding each other, which is essential to the relationship. 

Effective communication, therefore, involves active listening, empathy, and the ability to express oneself honestly and respectfully. This communication is about more than just solving problems in the relationship. It should also be used to share joys and dreams.

Understand that healthy communication between you is the bridge that will connect your two separate worlds.

Additional Insight: Think of communication as a dance; sometimes, it’s slow and intimate; other times, it’s fast and energetic. The key is to strive to regulate your steps towards understanding and harmony by modulating and tuning your movements.

3. Respect and safety.

A relationship without respect and safety is like a house without a foundation. It’s not just about the absence of abuse; it’s about mutual respect and the feeling of safety to be oneself. Emotional safety is as crucial as physical safety, creating an environment where vulnerabilities can be shared without fear of judgment or retribution.

Additional Insight: Respect and safety are the soil in which love grows. Without them, love cannot take root or thrive.

4. Shared values and goals.

Shared values and goals act as a compass for the relationship, guiding decisions and ensuring both partners move in the same direction. Individual interests and aspirations are okay, but core values and life goals should be aligned. This alignment fosters a deeper connection and understanding.

Additional Insight: Imagine your relationship as a tandem bike ride; the journey is harmonious if both riders pedal towards the same destination. But if one wants to go in one direction and the other in another, you’ll crash!

5. Love and affection.

The love and affection displayed in a relationship give it a heartbeat. They make the hard times bearable and the good times even better. They are gentle reminders of why you chose each other. This foundation of love helps couples weather the storms of life together.

Additional Insight: Love and affection are like the sun and rain to a plant. They nourish and sustain the relationship, allowing it to grow and bloom beautifully.

Conclusion.

The journey of a relationship is not linear and requires adjustments along the way. Without them, your couple risks stagnating, bogging down, and falling apart.

When doubt creeps in, and you wonder whether you’re on the road to improving your relationship, here’s a summary of what I’ve just detailed and what you should check:

• Each partner has the deep intention of wanting to improve and save the relationship.
• Each partner assumes responsibility for these necessary changes and their role in the relationship experience.
• Each partner is ready to make the efforts that will lead to this desire for transformation and fulfillment of the relationship.

Improving and saving a relationship requires willingness, awareness, and mutual commitment. And the effort it takes is the key to a more fulfilling and lasting relationship.

Remember that relationships are like gardens. It needs care, attention, and love to flourish.

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Living parallel lives.

Picture this: You’re sharing a space but not a life. Your conversations are as thin as air, and emotional intimacy feels like a relic of the past. This scenario, where partners live more as roommates than lovers, is a glaring sign. It’s not just about the absence of conflict but the absence of connection. 

Remember, a relationship thrives on shared experiences, dreams, and vulnerabilities. When these elements fade, it’s a nudge to pause and reflect: Are we growing apart, and is it time to lovingly release each other?

The ‘for the kids’ facade. 

Many brave souls stay tethered in unfulfilling relationships for their children. But here’s a gentle reminder: Kids are astute observers. They sense unhappiness and learn relationship dynamics from us. Staying together solely for the kids can sometimes do more harm than good. It’s about quality, not just the structure. A harmonious, happy single-parent home can be far more nurturing than a two-parent home brimming with silent battles and unspoken resentments. I have always stood for my clients to understand that being together needs to remain a deliberate choice and that the kids cannot be used as an excuse to sacrifice your happiness. 

Financial fear factor.

Money matters, but should it anchor an unfulfilling relationship? Financial fears are valid, but they shouldn’t be the sole glue for a partnership. Exploring financial independence and understanding that your peace and happiness are invaluable is essential. Consulting a financial expert or a life coach can provide clarity and options, empowering you to make decisions not out of fear but from a place of strength and self-respect.

The intimacy ice age.

Physical intimacy is often the barometer of relational health. Its absence can signal deep-rooted issues. It’s not just about physical closeness but the emotional bond that comes with it. When intimacy dwindles without efforts to rekindle it, it’s a sign to introspect. Are you avoiding deeper issues? Is there a willingness to work on it, or has the emotional disconnect reached a point of no return?

Trust: the crumbling foundation. 

Trust is the bedrock of any relationship. When it’s shattered by infidelity, addiction, or other breaches, it’s like a crack in a dam – hard to repair and potentially catastrophic. If trust issues are causing constant turmoil and there’s no path to healing, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship’s viability. When a relationship becomes more exhausting than fulfilling, a deeper look into the role that you are playing in keeping it in its current state is necessary. 

The parenthood paradox.

Another pivotal moment that often brings couples to a crossroads is the question of parenthood. Imagine this: one partner yearns for the pitter-patter of tiny feet, while the other sees a child-free life as their path to fulfillment. It isn’t just a mere preference; it’s a profound life choice shaping your future. 

When one’s dream of cradling a newborn clashes with the other’s vision of freedom and independence, the relationship stands at a delicate juncture. It’s not merely about compromising on a vacation spot; it’s about aligning on a life-altering decision. 

Sometimes, the reluctance to have children stems from deeper, unexplored fears or past experiences. In such cases, seeking professional help to understand these underlying reasons can be invaluable. 

However, if the paths remain divergent, it’s a moment of profound truth. It’s about respecting each other’s deepest desires and acknowledging that love sometimes means letting go and allowing each other to pursue a life that resonates with their core. This decision, though heart-wrenching, is a testament to the love and respect you hold for each other’s most authentic selves and dreams.

The shadow of abuse. 

A grim yet undeniable reality in some relationships is the presence of physical or mental abuse. It isn’t just a rough patch or a series of misunderstandings; it’s a deep, systemic issue that erodes the foundation of trust and safety in a partnership. 

Physical violence, an absolute deal-breaker, is often more easily recognized. However, mental and emotional abuse can be insidious, gradually eroding self-esteem and warping one’s sense of normalcy. It’s like living under a cloud, where moments of sunshine are fleeting and unpredictable. 

In such dynamics, the abused partner often finds themselves in a confusing maze of manipulation, constantly questioning their reality and worth. It’s crucial to recognize these patterns: the belittling comments, the gaslighting, the isolation from loved ones. 

Remember, enduring abuse is never a testament to your strength or commitment to the relationship. Seeking help, whether it’s counseling, support groups, or legal assistance, is not just advisable; it’s essential. 

There comes a point where the most loving choice for yourself is to step away to choose a path of healing and rediscovery. I always reassure my clients that leaving an abusive relationship isn’t a sign of failure; it’s an act of courage, a step towards reclaiming your life and your right to be treated with respect and kindness.

Conclusion.

Embarking on a journey of separation is never easy. It’s a path filled with self-discovery, emotional resilience, and, sometimes, a heart-wrenching decision to part ways for mutual growth and happiness. 

Remember, it’s about honoring yourself and your journey towards a fulfilling life. Ask yourself the right questions and take the time to evaluate the points developed above. 

As you navigate these waters, know that you’re not alone. Talk to a trusted friend, seek support, embrace self-love, and trust in your extraordinary ability to thrive, no matter your chosen path.

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This reassuring, comfortable feeling of belonging creates a safe space to share our joys; but also sorrows, and worries, thereby reducing our stress, anxiety, frustrations, etc. The closer our ties with others, the easier it is to face life’s challenges with serenity.

Being connected to others also has the positive effect of boosting self-confidence and self-esteem. Indeed, feeling loved and accepted for who you are by others contributes to a better self-image, provided that this connection is healthy and constructive, of course.

If professional relationships can open doors and enable us to achieve our goals, personal relationships are not to be outdone. They offer the possibility of advancing on our paths of awareness and experiencing (extra)ordinary relationships.

Putting all this together, we understand why taking care of the ties that bind us to others is essential.

But how do we go about it? How do we nurture and cultivate beautiful relationships?

1. First, dare!

And yes, I know it’s not that easy, and for some people, it means overcoming their fears, turning their backs on their beliefs, in short, stepping out of their comfort zone. But creating a bond sometimes requires taking risks and opening your door to the other person or going towards them. So, if this seems complicated, consider all the benefits you’ll derive from the bonds you create by daring and dare! If you want to get to know your colleague better, ask them out for a drink. If you like to get closer to your parents, spend more time with them and learn to listen to them. If you want more intimacy, be curious about your partner.

2. Be authentic.

It is the primary key to creating deep, solid, and meaningful bonds and to embarking on the path of awareness and fulfillment. So, be yourself authentically. Connect to yourself fully, and show who you are. Don’t hide your weaknesses or doubts. Accept your vulnerability. When being unauthentic will reveal yourself at some point unknowingly and leave the other person feeling misunderstood, disappointed, and perhaps even betrayed. By being yourself, you’ll be sure to be loved for who you are and free yourself from the stress of trying to be something you’re not. You’ll also develop a more intimate bond with those closest to you!

3. Actively listen to others.

That involves being attentive to others to the point of slipping into their reality to understand them more deeply and strengthen the intimacy of the bond. To achieve this state of active listening, call on your empathetic spirit; if you doubt you’re empathetic, know you’re wrong. Like each of us, you came into this world animated with this spirit. Only life’s events, upbringing, beliefs, and fears have kept you from it. So, search for it, let yourself be inhabited by it, and, from this new-found state of empathy, ask questions to which you sincerely hope to find answers.

4. Be altruistic.

Yes, it’s necessary. Maintaining the bond and nurturing the relationship is only possible if you show generosity. Mind you; it’s not a question of thinking only of the other person and forgetting yourself! There’s no question of sacrifice here, but instead of sharing, circulating positive energy that will enable you to attract what resonates with you into your life. So be present, sincerely present, for others. Give them your time and energy to the extent of what you expect of them. But be genuinely altruistic!

5. Make sure you share experiences.

It will help you build memories that strengthen your bonds with your loved ones. To do this, list your common interests and decide which ones and when to devote time to them. Sign up for an activity, share your reading, go on a weekend adventure, regularly organize a dinner party, etc. Anything goes to strengthen your bond and create intimacy.

6. Maintain your relationships.

A phone call now and then, a message, a visit – as long as your approach is sincere and from the heart, don’t hesitate! It won’t do any harm, and it will strengthen bonds. So don’t be afraid to leave a few traces of your attention here and there.

7. Be curious.

You open the door to deeper, meaningful bonds by showing genuine curiosity about the other person. Curiosity isn’t wrong as long as it’s sincere and honest. When it’s heartfelt and well-intentioned, it’s a caring attitude that strengthens bonds and can lead to friendships or other intimate relationships that are enriching and lasting. So ask questions. Take an interest in the other person. Your relationships will be all the richer for it.

8. Cultivate your joy.

Indulge yourself, sing, dance, practice sports, do art, go to the movies, see a show, and have dinner with friends – in short, anything that brings you joy should be consumed without moderation. Why? Because when you’re happy, you want to share, and you’re so radiant that you attract the people you love. So don’t hold back; live life to the full!

All these tips are, with a simple will and a genuine intention to connect, easily applicable. So don’t just read them. If you want to create more intimacy in your relationship with your partner, deepen your bonds, and maintain them at their highest potential, follow them! You’ll soon realize the positive impact they can have on your life and the lives of those around you.

By applying these tips with determination and persistence, you’ll breathe new life into your relationships, propelling them into a virtuous spiral of intimacy, understanding, and caring.

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Meditate to increase your resilience.

Diving into a daily meditation routine has this incredible way of helping you take a breather and actively manage your emotions. It’s like having a secret superpower that lets you dodge those impulsive reactions and emotional explosions that can mess up your relationships. And guess what? It works wonders! By incorporating meditation into your life, you become more resilient during tough times, making it much easier to handle disagreements. So, it’s like having a supportive best friend cheering you on through the ups and downs of your relationships.

Meditate to be aware.

Meditation is like a crash course in the art of being present, also known as mindfulness. Incorporating it daily into your life is a game-changer for your relationship. Why? Because when you dive into this practice, you start to distance yourself from your judgments and knee-jerk reactions naturally. Instead, you create space for something beautiful: active listening. This kind of attentive listening nurtures trust, deepens emotional connection, and amps up the intimacy factor in your relationships. Suddenly, you find yourself appreciating those special moments of togetherness even more. It’s truly a remarkable shift that can make your relationships shine!

Meditate to cultivate compassion and empathy.

Do you know what else is fantastic about meditation? It helps us cultivate this incredible sense of compassion and empathy, not just for ourselves but also for our partners. It brings about immense peace and harmony for both individuals involved. When we tap into that connection with our own emotions and truly understand our partners’ experiences, conflicts start to fade away. Instead, we build a rock-solid bond and foster deep solidarity within our couple. It’s like having a secret recipe for a loving and supportive relationship.

Meditate for better communication.

Being more present and attentive through meditation enables you to listen to each other better. You can drastically reduce misunderstandings and frustrations when you stay connected. If you top that with solid tools like Nonviolent Communication (NVC), you can maintain a way to express yourself clearly and respectfully.

Now that you know that the daily practice of meditation can benefit your relationship, and insofar as you want to live an (Extra)ordinary relationship, all that’s left is to integrate it into your routine.

Here are my tips to get on a good start!

Choose the right time.

Finding the right time for your meditation practice will make a big difference. Consider your schedule and identify a time of day to commit regularly. It could be in the morning, evening, or any other moment that aligns with your routine. The key is to establish consistency.

By carving out dedicated time for meditation every day, you create a sacred space for yourself to dive deep into the practice. So go ahead, find that perfect slot in your schedule, and make it your special meditation time.

Create a meditation space.

Creating a meditation space is a beautiful way to enhance your practice. Choose any spot where you can cultivate a sense of tranquility and uninterrupted relaxation. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or grand. What truly matters is that it feels calm and easily accessible to you.

Find a quiet corner or a cozy nook where you can sit comfortably and unwind. Consider adding elements that promote serenity, such as soft lighting, a comfortable cushion or chair, and a touch of nature like a plant or a calming painting. You might also incorporate meaningful objects or symbols that inspire your meditation journey ( a candle, incense, etc.)

Remember, this space is your sanctuary, where you can retreat and find inner peace. Think of your meditation oasis with love and intention. And whenever you seek solace and stillness, let this space be your haven.

Adopt a comfortable position.

Select a posture that suits your comfort and needs. Whether sitting on a meditation cushion, using a chair for support, or even lying down, the key is finding a position that allows you to be physically relaxed.
However, it’s essential to strike a balance. While relaxation is what you are seeking, be mindful not to put yourself in a position where you might unintentionally doze off. Remember, meditation is about cultivating awareness and presence, not taking a nap!

So, find your sweet spot where you can feel at ease yet remain awake and attentive. It’s all about finding that perfect balance between relaxation and alertness. Experiment with different postures and discover what works best for you. And keep in mind that you can also adjust your posture during your meditation if you feel the need to.

Establish your meditation program.

If daily practice seems complicated at first, start with three times a week. You’ll spontaneously increase the number of days with practice. It’s best to start with short sessions. Five or even ten minutes is enough. Then, as you become more comfortable, gradually increase the duration. It’s best to start small and work your way up.

Let go of the need to let go of your thought.

The beauty of meditation lies in its core purpose: to guide you toward a place of inner peace and connection. Here’s a little tip to help you along the way. Start by gently focusing on your breath. Notice the sensations of inhalation and exhalation. As you do this, thoughts may arise naturally, and that’s okay. Instead of holding onto them tightly, welcome them without attachment. Remember, they came independently and will naturally drift away in due time. It’s all about creating a calm space and allowing yourself to be in the present moment.

Be patient and kind to yourself.

Sometimes during meditation, your thoughts can carry you away for a few minutes or even longer. It’s completely normal because meditation is a journey that requires regular practice and time to master truly. The most important thing to remember is to be kind to yourself and avoid self-judgment when you notice your mind wandering. Instead, gently guide your focus to the present moment and your breath. It’s all part of the process, and with patience and consistency, you’ll find yourself becoming more skilled at staying grounded in the here and now.

Find the meditation technique that’s right for you.

When it comes to meditation, a whole world of possibilities is waiting for you to explore. You’ll come across various approaches like mindfulness meditation, transcendental meditation (TM), Kundalini Meditation, Zen Meditation (Zazen), and many more. None of them is inherently better than the others. It’s all about finding what resonates with you. Take the time to learn about each technique, dive into their unique practices, and see which speaks to your heart and aligns with your needs. Trust your intuition and choose the path that suits you best.

Remember, this is your meditation journey, and it’s all about finding what brings you peace, joy, and serenity. Explore and embrace the meditation practice that feels perfect for you.

Pick your meditation medium.

Many options are wonderfully diverse. You can download a meditation app that provides guidance and support. These apps offer a wide range of resources tailored to your needs. Alternatively, you can explore guided meditation audio recordings that lead you through the practice step by step. They can be a great aid in finding your inner calm.

If you prefer a more structured approach, consider enrolling in an online meditation course or finding a nearby meditation center. These options provide a deeper understanding and guidance from experienced instructors.

And hey, if you feel confident and comfortable being your own guide, that’s fantastic too! The key is to find a method that suits you best and supports your meditation journey. It’s all about creating a sacred space for your inner exploration and finding the peace and tranquility you seek.

Be persistent.

I understand that along the meditation journey, there may be moments when you feel like throwing in the towel or are tempted to skip a day that will turn into a week! I’ve been there too! However, I’ve discovered that maintaining a persistent approach is key. Remember, if you genuinely desire to experience the incredible benefits of meditation, it requires patience and persistence. The more you commit to regular and consistent practice, the more you reap the rewards.

So, remember the profound transformation that awaits even on those challenging days or when motivation feels low. Stay dedicated, reduce it to a shorter time if you need to, and let the magic of meditation unfold in your life and positively affect your relationships.

Conclusion

As someone who practices meditation daily and witnesses its rewards firsthand, I cannot stress enough how valuable this practice is.

When my coaching clients commonly say it’s not the right time to start or cite the weight of their current concerns and competing priorities, I reassure them that this is actually the perfect moment to embark on a meditation journey and experience its profound benefits.

Embrace meditation and let it become integral to your daily life; you’ll discover a remarkable transformation awaiting you. When life feels overwhelming, meditation offers a sanctuary where you can step back and regain control. By dedicating just a little time each day to meditation, you will swiftly witness its positive impact on your well-being and, therefore, your relationships.

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We all have different and complex needs that are often difficult for others to understand, especially since we sometimes have a blurred perception of them ourselves. We cannot, therefore, assume that the other person understands everything about us to the point of being able to anticipate our needs.

At the beginning of a relationship, we strive to seduce and please our partner. During this period, called the “honeymoon phase,” we are curious about the other person and happy to get to know them.

We ask each other questions that strengthen our intimacy. But with time, this excitement and curiosity for the other person disappear in favour of the feeling of knowing each other perfectly. And we forget to consider that as we evolve, so do our needs. The result is misunderstandings, disappointments, and other issues that can lead to a breakdown in the relationship.

A big part of taking responsibility for our happiness is not to assume that our loved ones can read our thoughts and emotions, simply because they love us. It’s essential to take ownership of our own experiences by remaining curious about our partner’s growth and relationship changes to prevent discontent and frustration.

Here are some tips to help you change your perspective on the belief that your partner should know everything about you:

Remove your limiting beliefs.

The false assumption that your partner should know your needs without you expressing it or them asking can damage your relationship and put more stress on it than necessary.

Reframing that limiting thought into a resource belief will limit the risk of exposing yourself to frustration and disappointment. This way, you can shift your perspective by saying, “My partner does care about me; therefore, he is interested in me expressing my needs.” It shifts back the responsibility on you to communicate your needs clearly, and to be patient with your partner’s capacity to meet them in a way that would best suits you.

List your needs.

Understanding your needs helps you better manage relationship issues.
For example, your anger at a messy partner may indicate that you have a strong need for order or harmony. But this need may be hiding another one. For instance, while you spend time telling your partner to put their things away, you may need to feel valued and appreciated for everything you do in the house. Explore the various unmet needs, inventory them, and share them with your partner in a caring way, removing blame or shame by simply talking about your feeling and not what they do or don’t do.

Tell your partner how you feel.

Open communication is challenging yet essential to relationships. Avoid blaming or criticizing your partner when sharing your feelings and demands. Instead, be transparent and vulnerable.

Remember that your spouse wants to hear your perspective. Communicating without being defensive or accusing increases the likelihood of being listened to and reaching a mutually beneficial solution. Your companion will appreciate your openness and your clarity.

If you struggle to communicate effectively, consider utilizing Nonviolent Communication (NVC) techniques. This method empowers you to express your feelings and needs with compassion and empathy, increasing the likelihood that your message will be received. While it may feel restrictive to speak using a specific methodology with your partner, isn’t being truly understood more important than anything else?

Stay aware of their needs.

It’s normal to want your partner to consider your needs, but why not reciprocate? While you are focused on telling them about your needs and feelings, remember that you may simultaneously disregard some of their critical needs.

Daily asking your partner questions about how they feel helps rebuild your bond; this exercise brings you closer and renew your relationship when practice regularly.

Strong relationships take dedicated time and work. To maintain a relationship, both parties must communicate. You can strengthen your connection by meeting each other’s needs, but you must first reactivate your curious mind! When was the last time you asked your partner a genuine question?

Be grateful. 

Don’t wait to be grateful. Even with conflicts, relationships can evolve. Be glad for the challenges in the relationship, since they help you grow.

Appreciating even the most minor efforts of your partner can help you see the positives in any situation. This positivity can have a significant impact on improving your relationship and overall outlook.

Appreciation is one of the best ways to form a lasting love. Focusing on your partner’s and the relationship’s positive aspects can create a more loving and positive dynamic between you.

Conclusion

The advice I’ve shared applies to all kinds of relationships, whether platonic, professional, familial, or romantic.

Regardless of the type of relationship, it’s unrealistic to expect others to understand our complex minds without clear communication. Even if someone knows us well, they cannot anticipate our changing needs and the feelings they activate when those needs are unmet. Therefore, it’s our responsibility to communicate and keep others updated as our needs evolve.

I have one more piece of advice for you. Keep things simple; simplifying your communication reduces the possibility of confusion in expressing your needs. Speak in short sentences, addressing one need at the time.

Above all, remember, it’s not productive to blame others for our dissatisfaction. Instead, focus on identifying and expressing your needs regularly in a non-judgmental way, which will help strengthen the bond and intimacy in your relationships.

Through my own journey, I’ve discovered that the ability to communicate clearly and express my needs has been transformative in shifting from misunderstandings and conflicts to a place of feeling truly heard and understood. It’s deepened the connections I have with my loved ones and brought about a newfound sense of intimacy that is invaluable. In fact, my passion for this communication method has driven me to make it my vocation to share it with as many people as possible!

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As a relationship coach, I have found that being a great communicator can have a downside. It can lead people to overlook the real reasons for their relationship difficulties. Indeed, by focusing primarily on how they communicate, they sometimes ignore that other efforts need to be made in other areas. When they come to see me, they express their incomprehension about facing difficulties when they communicate so well.

With the recent awareness around Nonviolent Communication (NVC) as a communication technique that emphasizes expressing needs and feelings in a respectful and non-judgmental manner to improve communication between people, the focus on improving our communication skills has sometimes shaded the fact that there are other areas of a relationship that needs to be brought to a couple’s attention to evaluate if they are feeling fulfilled and content in their relationship.

While NVC is a valuable tool to enhance communication, good communication alone does not necessarily lead to a healthy, long-term relationship. Knowing the qualities necessary for a relationship to flourish allows both partners to identify their underlying problems and support their relationship meaningfully. It prevents them from hiding behind such good communication that they can’t why understand they face difficulties. Thus, they can move forward by focusing their energy and attention on what they need to address.

Below find 13 main criteria that define a healthy relationship: trust, respect, positive conflict resolution, empathy, attraction, equality, shared values, safety, connection, playfulness, common goals, growth, and intimacy. 

Trust: Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship and is built over time through honesty, reliability, and consistency in actions and words.

Respect: Respect is valuing and acknowledging each other’s feelings, thoughts, and boundaries, treating each other with kindness, consideration, and empathy, and allowing space for personal growth.

Positive Conflict Resolution: The ability to find constructive solutions to a disagreement. It involves active listening, empathy, clear communication, and the search for compromise. Its goal is to create more harmonious and sustainable relationships between the parties involved. It allows partners to solve the problems they face positively.

Empathy: Empathy is the act of understanding and sharing each other’s feelings and perspectives, creating a deep sense of connection and compassion in the relationship, and promoting a supportive and caring atmosphere.  

Attraction: A deep and mutual attraction can be a physical, emotional, or intellectual interest that creates a spark of chemistry and connection.

Equality: A balance of power and respect in which both partners have an equal say, share responsibilities reasonably, and support each other’s growth and development.

Shared values: Similar goals, interests, and beliefs that partners share and that work together toward common objectives.

Safety: Feeling secure, trusted, and supported within the relationship through compassion and understanding. It creates a space where both feel confident to be themselves.

Connection: A strong sense of connection is the foundation of a healthy relationship. It creates the feeling of being understood, accepted, and recognized by the other person.

Playfulness: It means enjoying each other’s company and having a good time together without planning complex activities. It recharges the batteries and brings freshness and renewed energy to the relationship.

Common goals: It is about sharing a common vision, purpose, and direction, creating a sense of unity and commitment in the relationship.

Growth: It is about self-development, including a willingness to support each other’s dreams and goals, take risks to pursue new experiences, and keep our “beginner’s mind alive.”

Intimacy: Intimacy is a keystone of a healthy and fulfilling relationship. It involves emotional vulnerability, trust, deep connection, and sharing fears, hopes, and dreams without fear of being judged or pushed away.

Conclusion

While clear communication is a crucial and powerful tool for improving communication in relationships, it is essential to recognize that it cannot fix deeper issues in a relationship, such as a lack of connection, safety, or attraction. To ensure a healthy and sustainable relationship, you must look beyond good communication and consider what makes a good match.

If a relationship consistently fails to meet one or more of these criteria, it may be a sign that there could be a better match for individuals and that the relationship may require more energy to maintain than it is worth.

However, keep in mind that by speaking your truth and opening up to your partner about the criteria that are not present in your relationship, or need drastic improvement, potentially from both sides, you can seize the opportunity to potentially create a deeper level of understanding and connection with your partner. By addressing areas of improvement together, you can work towards a more robust and healthier relationship. It may be difficult, but speaking your truth can lead to a more fulfilling and rewarding partnership.

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But first, how do we develop a specific love language?

Our upbringing and early experiences of the love connection influence our love languages, starting with the one we observed through the influential people of our childhood, usually our parents.

For example, if your parents expressed their love to each other and you through acts of service, you codified this and then appreciated this form of love expression.

But our love language can change over time, depending on our life experiences and relationships.

What is the love language of acts of service?

The love language of acts of service is doing things for your partner that make their life easier or more enjoyable. That may include making dinner, cleaning, going shopping, etc. For people whose primary love language is this, doing service is an act of love, much more so than communicating it through words, gifts, and gestures to the other person or making time for them.

Why are acts of service crucial to people whose primary love languages are acts of service?

For people whose primary love language is acts of service, these actions demonstrate that their partner cares about them and is willing to put effort into the relationship. When someone does something for them, it shows that they are eager to take time out of their day to help them and therefore value their well-being. It then creates a sense of security and trust in the relationship, which allows for more intimacy.

How can you speak the love language of acts of service well if you are not used to expressing love through actions?

If acts of service are not your primary love language, speaking it well can be difficult. However, with practice and effort, you can learn to express love through actions. Start by asking your partner what specific steps they would appreciate, and strive to do them consistently. Consider taking on some household chores or errands, as these actions can be significant to people who appreciate acts of service.

Here are some additional tips to help you best practice the love language of the act of service:

Show your appreciation by performing acts of kindness for them, making them a cup of tea, offering to start a bath, etc.

Form a routine: Incorporate service to others as a regular aspect of your life, and it will make your close ones feel cherished and appreciated all the time.

Pay close attention, be attentive, and seek ways to help them. Doing so will demonstrate that you care about their satisfaction and fulfillment.

Take your time: If learning to show affection through acts of service is challenging for you, don’t give up on yourself; with some practice, being more aware of the little things to do for your partner will turn you into a more compassionate partner.

Don’t keep a tally: How many favors you’ve done against how many your partner has done has no value as their love languages might not be an act of service. If you do so, your relationship may suffer because your partner might feel unappreciated.

Come up with out-of-the-box gestures: To show your sweetheart how much they mean to you, you could make them breakfast in bed or put a love note on their pillow.

Serving others can be a joyful and fulfilling way to express affection for another person. Have fun with it, and don’t be scared to let your imagination go wild.

What can you do to avoid feeling frustrated when your love language is one of the acts of service and your partner is not?

If your primary love language is that of acts of service and your partner does not naturally express love through actions, it can be frustrating and even hurtful. However, it’s important to remember that everyone has a different love language, and your partner may express their love differently. Rather than focusing on what your partner doesn’t do, try to appreciate the things they do to show their love. You can also share your needs with your partner and look together for ways to express your love meaningfully to both of you.

Communicate: Talk to your significant other freely and honestly about what you want and anticipate from the relationship. Tell them how much you value acts of service and what they can do to make you feel loved. To help them realize that you don’t appreciate their help because you’re lazy or taking advantage of them, explain that you experience a deep sense of love whenever they care for you. 

Provide details: Don’t assume your partner knows how to make you happy; tell them exactly what they can do to make you smile. Share with your loved one what they can do to help you feel more loved, valued, and cared for. Spell down your requirements as thoroughly as possible.

Express your appreciation: When your companion does something kind for you. It’s incredible how far a sincere “thank you” can travel. 

In conclusion, acts of service are a powerful love language of doing things for the other person to make their life easier or more enjoyable.

That may seem surprising to someone who doesn’t understand love in this language. And yet, an act can be worth a word, a gesture, a gift, and time shared if it comes from the heart and the feeling of love.

So, by trying to speak the loving language of acts of service, you allow yourself to access more intimacy and depth in your relationship with your partner and all the people who master this language.

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